Realization

I realised something, I am moodier than usual, and I can't say that its due to stress from exams. Excuses, I have many, but none are true. These are just the veils for me to hide myself, to keep myself at a distance. And I've been pushing people that matter most to me away. I don't and can't understand why. I'm afraid that I might have pushed them away too far, too much...

And I fear that one day, I'll be left alone. Left... alone...

Nowadays, I picture myself in a desert, with shadows of people walking by. As I reach out, they crumble, into the sand, as if they too, are made of sand, and my heart despair. I long for my happy-go-lucky life, but is it possible? Is it within my reach? Have I lost it to the winds?

For those that I have pushed, or felt like I have pushed them, I'm really sorry. I'm just not myself lately. I'm recollecting my thoughts... no... not really, I'm not. I... just don't know what to do... and thus, I come up with excuses, lots of them, feeble excuses just to try to defend what's left of me, but the more I try to defend, the more I push myself into the abyss...

Wish I was a feather, to be carried by the wind, to lands unknown, where I land doesn't matter...