I've been trying to write this post for so long.
But every time I try to write something,
I'm always stuck.
In the end,
I stare at this page for so long,
Too long.
I just don't know...
I don't know how I really feel right now
I've never felt like this before
Its hard to describe how I feel
Bored? Disappointed? Hopeless?
No.. not those.
Its something bigger, deeper
But I just don't know what it is.
I just feel...
Lifeless. That's what it is.
I rarely find joy these days.
I used to be able to laugh
Laugh about anything, anytime
Yet, these days...
I feel so fake.
Sometimes, its real, but its rare.
Rare..
I have a very rare life.
Its rare because I know
I'm very blessed
To have the people that are in my life now
To have the luxuries that others never had
To have the immense love and support
I'm truly blessed
These days, I find little things to look forward to
Very little things make me laugh genuinely
Life for me, was handed on a silver platter
And yet, I find it so hard to live
I feel like life is pushing me
Pushing me to the edge
A little bit more and I might fall
Fall... into nothingness
I always appear fine
I don't want anybody to worry
I try to hide
But my hiding place is not safe anymore
I find no solace in it
I know I have to open up
But after years of hiding
I don't know how
I don't know why I can't
And I'm scared
Scared to lose everything
Everything dear to me
But do not worry, everyone
I'll be fine
I just need to put this in writing
So I can reflect on it
When a similar thing happens.
